I knew this would happen. I anticipated moments like this even before I had a single word written down; I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. The first chapter’s not even done yet! Nonetheless, it happened, is happening, and I must accept it.
I am currently taking a break from writing because the scene I am working on is triggering intrusive memories.
The novel I’m currently working on is full of trauma, mental illness (and everything that comes with it), and Southern Blackness with Christ in the middle of it all. This is not an easy book to write, mostly because I have to find the middle ground between “God is in control and with faith in Him I can conquer anything” and “Oh my gosh, I can’t write anymore because X is a trigger for me and I’m gonna have a panic attack”. Once I find that middle ground, I have to stay in it. That’s the hard part.
There is, of course, the thought of giving up because “this is too hard” and the fear of never actually finishing the book because of potential triggers, but what kind of writer/person would I be if I gave up at the first sign of trouble? I’m not going to quit. I know you can relate too. The familiar wrestling in your head as you face a difficult challenge, the battle between your doubts and your courage as you struggled to make a decision, you’ve been there before, time and time again. Maybe, even right now, you’re there. I hope you don’t quit. I hope you don’t give up.
Musings of a Wanderer 