I Am Not My Past (Memories)

I remember, reminiscing about you
and the effect you had on my life.
They told me that I was supposed to
learn from you and once I got my lessons,
I wasn’t supposed to revert or glance back.

But I did.

You were the source of my
tears at many a night,
and the pain in my heart
that I, unwillingly, held onto, tight.
You were the mocking death sentence
that would not go away.
And eventually, you were the cause of
my self-mutilation, self-hatred, and self-pain.

For the longest time,
I deemed you as my true identity
and thought that from your effect,
I would never be free.
I figured your damage was everlasting
and a testament of “Yes, I overcame,”
my life would never be.

But as time goes on, I realize that your effect is waning
and that, when I let Him have control, I’m doing less complaining.
As I lost control and let Him take the wheel,
I realized that my focusing on you
was destructive and deadly,
but at the time, I couldn’t see that.

Yet now having grown, I now know
that you’ll never have that strong
of an effect on me.
And so today, I release you,
you’ve served your purpose well.

To you, my dear past, goodbye.
I reminisce on you now, just to see
how far He’s brought me from,
this I’m never ashamed to tell.

Goodbye, my ex-dictator;
this day is mine alone.
I am not you.

And you
no longer
own me.

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