As You Heal, You Will Hurt

“...What year is it?” I asked J. near the beginning of our session as I tried hard to ground myself to reality. I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe. “What year do you think it is?” He, being the therapist that he is, never gives me a straight answer; always opting for me to figure it … Continue reading As You Heal, You Will Hurt

Panic Attacks Make Recovery Worth It

I know how to stop myself from having a panic attack. Sometimes, it doesn't work. On the days that it does, it makes recovery seem like within the reach of my fingertips. On the days when it doesn't, on the days when I hide in my bed, under my bedsheets, hiding myself from the world, … Continue reading Panic Attacks Make Recovery Worth It

The Way Trauma Loves You Back

It starts with a kiss or a touch, always quick, like an accidental brushstroke of painful memories on a virgin canvas. Oops. Did I trigger you with intrusive memories while you were trying to sleep? My bad. Hush, now. Shhh. It’s okay. Just a nightmare. Fine me when you’re awake for the terrible things I … Continue reading The Way Trauma Loves You Back

I Wish the Prosperity Gospel was Real

I wish the Prosperity Gospel was real. I really do. For those who do not know what that is, it is a false theology/belief system within Christian doctrine that says "God wants—and even promises! —health, wealth, happiness, and whatever my heart desires." Of course, the ends to the means is on the part of the … Continue reading I Wish the Prosperity Gospel was Real

Your Support System isn’t Your Therapist, Your Therapist isn’t Superman

Dear Lovelies, It's time for some tough love and hard truth pills. Here's the reality of the situation: Your support system isn't your therapist; your therapist isn't Superman. We all know recovery isn't linear and there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and even resting places on this journey. There will be days when … Continue reading Your Support System isn’t Your Therapist, Your Therapist isn’t Superman

Humanizing Judas Iscariot

I woke up this morning thinking about Judas Iscariot, you know, the guy history remembers as the "son of hell"? The one who betrayed Jesus to the Pharisees for 30 pieces of silver (roughly $250 in today's money, but that number varies depending on which scholar you ask). Most of us know the story: Jesus … Continue reading Humanizing Judas Iscariot

The Traumatic Nature of Deconversion

Memory is unreliable when recounting old wounds, but I do know that the beginning of the end started with an email to an old professor in which I expressed: "I don't think I believe in the God of Christianity anymore," and ended with a Facebook post about deconversion, and an awkward, hard conversation at the … Continue reading The Traumatic Nature of Deconversion

A Letter to Panic Attacks and Anxiety

Dear Anxiety and PTSD-induced Panic Attacks, I hate you. No, I loathe you. You are the bane of my existence and the reason I can't enjoy the things that once brought me peace and happiness like God or writing or reading. Yes, even reading (don't ask, just know that it is horrendous). You make me … Continue reading A Letter to Panic Attacks and Anxiety