Dear friend,
I know I’ve been away for a while but I had good reason: I was helping my family care for my grandmother who was suffering from dementia.
A Bittersweet, Ironic Departure
Grandma passed on Valentine’s Day which is both ironic and apropos, as she loved her family, church, and community deeply and exemplified the love of God at every opportunity she could. At the funeral the following Saturday (February 24), I witnessed just how much they reciprocated her love.
J.’s Wednesday Challenge: Navigating Through Grief
These past 8 months have been hard; the upcoming months and years may be even harder now that she’s gone.
J. recently challenged me to sit with my feelings and actually feel them instead of distracting myself to oblivion, so between 11:30p.m. Friday night and 2:15a.m. Saturday morning, I started processing everything with Maya, my typewriter. I wrote the following:
I know that grief isn’t linear and this will be a rough process. I’d appreciate your prayers. For now, I’ll clutch the hem of Jesus’s garment and continue to take this one day at a time.
Musings of a Wanderer 
Thank you for reading.
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Thankful you sharing your heart and art of your words.
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This is, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever written. And questions loom overhead of existing relationships with friends and family: are we as close as we think we are? What legacy/impact am I leaving behind? Who will show up for me? I don’t want to think about those things yet they persist. I guess that’s a Part 2 I need to write!
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Thank you for your prayers, Gary. I take solace in knowing she is with the Lover of her soul but I still miss her
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As anticipated, your writing acumen is amazing, period. … This is particularly helpful as the subject matter is both intimate and seeking for something greater. Thank you for wearing your heart on His sleeve.
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Oh, Rulonda. This was beautiful and heartbreaking. My heart aches for you. Honestly, I felt it in my chest while reading this. I understand about the routine things being surprisingly hard, and about patience being in shorter supply. I understand how the grief sneaks up on you; I loved how you described it coming up when you were at your most vulnerable. It’s true!
I know that self-grace thing is tough, but try to keep giving it to yourself. You are worthy and deserving of it.
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Thanks for walking us through your own experience of grief, Rulonda. Grief can hit hard and unexpectedly. You’ve expressed well the importance of being established and grounded in the God of all comfort and hope. Hugs to you!
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RJ, I’m praying for you.
I know how you feel as trite and probably unhelpful as that is.
What you wrote at the top of page 2, the sudden memories that come rushing in while your doing something,I still experience 9 years now since my wife passed. I call them Ambushes, where I’ll be doing something that reminds me of something Carol would do or she and I would do, and as you say, bam(!), in comes a memory or reminder and it’s like the sea billows rolling over me in a hurricane.
I don’t experience them as frequently now but I still get ambushed, and then Holy Spirit reminds me my beloved is in Jesus’ very Presence, no longer suffering the ravages of cancer and gasping for breath from her damaged and failed lungs.
And your beloved Grandma is in His Presence now too, 2 Cor 5:8 (Heb 11:1), no more suffering, no more disease, now alive forever more(!), worshipping Jesus and awaiting NEW BODIES undamaged any longer by the ravages of the Fall.
I pray the peace of God floods in by Holy Spirit whenever you get ambushed by sadness or tears, that our merciful Lord holds onto you tight!
Gary
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