Dear friend,
I’m sorry I’ve been away for a while; there’s a reason for that.
Between work, life, and chronic health issues zapping my strength (both physically and emotionally), I haven’t had the energy to write. Still, I’ve been wanting to update you for a while now and I recently sat at the typewriter to lay everything down at the feet of Jesus.
For anyone dealing with chronic pain or an impossible situation, and you’re wondering “where is God in the midst of this?”, you’re not alone.
I hope this blesses you:
An Honest Letter to God
Reality Check
At the time of this post, I’ve been dealing with this chronic puking for almost 1.5 years (9 months of nearly daily puking). The doctors found a tennis ball-sized, benign tumor on my liver but they don’t think that’s causing the issue. (According to them, it’s “too small” to cause any actual damage or distress. They just know it’s a non-cancerous tumor). They don’t know what the cause is. I’ve had multiple MRIs and CT scans, biopsies, and even a colonoscopy; everything came back clear.
Trusting God to sustain me every time I eat or drink—regardless if it’s healthy or not (can’t eat spinach or broccoli right now because they’re more “rough” veggies to digest but ice cream stays down! 🙂)—is… a humbling experience. Still, choosing to trust Him when I can’t hold down Ginger ale or water, when I’m puking on average at least 3x a day, is a lesson in dependence. Jesus is the one upholding me; I’m not upholding or stabilizing myself.
I will continue to trust Him. No matter what.
Musings of a Wanderer 
So sorry to hear about the challenges you’re facing Rulonda. Not being able to hold food down well is a scary, frustrating thing — I’ve been there, but not to the extent of what you’re dealing with daily.
But even so, I’m SO glad you have the hope of knowing this temporary affliction CANNOT defeat you! Jesus already won the battle for you on the cross and through His resurrection. It’s not a matter of IF you’ll be healed; it’s simply a question of when — whether now, or in a little while when you see Jesus face-to-face. I pray that it’s now, but even if it isn’t, I pray that God will bless you in multiple other ways and strengthen you and encourage you and surround you with His grace.
If you don’t know this song, or even if you do, may it be a blessing to you today! https://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y
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dear dear RJ, your heart, your gift to share your heart no matter how brutal, I continue to pray for you.
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This truly blessed me Ru. Im so so so sorry for your sufferings, and I’ll be praying for you. But I’m also grateful for your honesty and how the Lord is using your gift of writing to bless believers like me. Thank you for being a role model to me in how to faithfully lament.
Sincerely, Marilyn
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