Earlier today, I read through my friend Michael Patton's post "On Leaving My First Love" and found similarities between where he was years ago and where I find myself now. In it, he speaks of his life's difficulties, arguing with God, and finally coming to a place of surrender. I am somewhere between pulling myself … Continue reading Viewing God Through the Lens of Trauma
These past few weeks have been hard, especially Tuesday. Tuesday was a hellish day because it marked 4 years of dealing with the Beast that is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. You would think that after some time, especially with the introduction and implementation of coping mechanisms and breathing techniques, the Beast would get bored and go … Continue reading The Siren Song of Self-Harm
I did not want to write this, but it needed to be said. This is hard for me. Please give me grace. An Honest and Vulnerable Prayer God, please, if You are, at all, merciful like they say You are, like I know You to be, please kill me. Please. I will never ask for … Continue reading An Honest Conversation about Suicide
I'm sitting on my bed, crying because all the floors in my parents' house are tile, which is a problem because I want to sit and be as small as possible but I can't because tile hurts differently than carpet. I'm crying because this is the second, no, third anxiety attack I've had in a … Continue reading 6 Reasons for Midnight Tears
On the rare mornings I feel too much, my heart slams itself against my trachea and the world nestles hard on my esophagus. It is not unlike a hummingbird flinging itself against a still, sharp, rain-washed window. On the rare mornings I feel too much, my breathing collapses upon itself, repeatedly, like someone squeezing my … Continue reading On the Rare Mornings I Feel Too Much
Step 1: Befriend someone and study her like scientists examine microscopic organisms beneath the ocean's surface. Learn her likes, dislikes, if she hates her parents and why. Step 2: After learning that she's a loner looking for simple companionship, start eroding her carefully constructed walls, break down bricks with warm hugs, a soft hand on … Continue reading The Art of Sexual Grooming
Dear Lovelies, I am awake and writing because I have horrible insomnia. I wrote this scene that may or may not go into the novel that I've been writing off and on for three years now (For more info about the writing process, you can read here and here). Sexual assault is mentioned and the … Continue reading A Fictional Psychological Scene: Is it Believable?
Dear Lovelies, It's 4:08 in the morning as I type this. The reason I'm up this early is that I was thinking of the past few years of my life, as it relates to thorns in my flesh. I was thinking about the conversation I had with my friend, and how we agreed that it … Continue reading A Diagnosis is NOT a Life Sentence