“F.A.I.L. Remember the acronym? What I told you all those years ago?” J. asked me last night in response to me shouting “I’ve failed!” at him while throwing my covenant ring at his chest. * I was relaying the tale of the silent panic attack and flashback I had when I went to dessert with... Continue Reading →
Morning Tears, Panic Attacks, and Chocolate Cake: An Exercise in Grounding and Vulnerability
Saturday morning, I woke up crying; that day was one I wish I didn’t have to endure. Friday night—into the wee hours of the morning (before the sun made its debut)—intrusive memories created a whirlwind in my brain that lasted so long I almost watched the sun rise. Last Tuesday, I hung out with some... Continue Reading →
Even in the “Not Yet,” God is Still Worthy
It’s a few minutes before 5:00a.m and I’m awake. I’m up worshipping; a practice I’ve not implemented in way too long. Neglecting and Bargaining with Yahweh Life and stress have distracted me, broken me, and I’ve neglected my relationship with Yahweh. I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, a hardened heart, and suicidal thoughts for the... Continue Reading →
Thorn in my Side
Born of Spirit,forever indebted and adopted.So why am I here once againin this place of danger, isolation,hurt, and self-disappointment?Your Spirit reigns within,a child of Yours I am,so I shouldn't be unrenewed orconformed in my thinking, right? "You are mine," I hear you softly whisper.I smile. I am yours, but I also need help. They tell... Continue Reading →
Passion is a Bootleg Trophy (Getting Back to my Poetic Roots)
Yesterday morning, I intentionally slowed down. It’s a much-needed practice but a hard one. I broke out Maya and then poet Taylor Mali’s Metaphor Dice (because I wanted to challenge myself to return to my poetic roots). I rolled the dice and got this: Metaphor Dice I paused and pondered for a good 5 minutes... Continue Reading →