“...What year is it?” I asked J. near the beginning of our session as I tried hard to ground myself to reality. I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe. “What year do you think it is?” He, being the therapist that he is, never gives me a straight answer; always opting for me to figure it... Continue Reading →
Lost in a Memory
I feel lost in a memory and, for someone like me, that's the worst place to be. I have to keep reminding myself of this, what I wrote so long ago. The fact that I have to hurts me in so many ways. These memories (and flashbacks) are teleportation devices, sending me back to the... Continue Reading →
Another Letter to My Abuser
Dear Voldemort, I know I shouldn't say what I'm about to say because it's not uplifting or triumphant; there's no happy ending to this particular moment in time. I need to get some things off my chest and you need to listen. I have spent the last two days in complete depersonalization mode, just watching... Continue Reading →
Triple Threat: Dissociation, Anxiety, and Insomnia
Dear Lovelies, As I write this, it is almost 6:00 in the morning and I have been awake now for three hours. This is my normal. I keep my phone next to me so I can play calming music or a thunderstorm on YouTube in hopes of falling back asleep. I keep snacks in my... Continue Reading →
On Discussing Trauma
I think the hardest aspect of trauma, especially in the context of recovery, is talking about it repeatedly. In my experience, I've only discussed it in detail with a counselor and my former pastor, as he has training as a licensed psychologist. I thought that talking about it to strangers would be easier than talking... Continue Reading →
