If I can control the external environment in front of me, namely my laptop, maybe I can control the inner, darker parts of me too. With Halloween being tomorrow, and the day not quite being over yet, I need all the light and promise programming offers that I can get.
I woke up this morning well-rested but dreading the two-step commute to my work computer. Working from home is a luxury. I love the company but not my current job. I love my managers and team but not talking on the phone for 8 hours a day. I love being in control and having choices... Continue Reading →
Last night I started reading J. P. Moreland’s book Finding Quiet. In it, he discusses his personal battles with both depression and anxiety. This morning, the first thought that entered my brain was “be anxious for nothing.” I knew the verse was in Matthew but I could not remember where, so I grabbed my Kindle... Continue Reading →
Dear Anxiety and PTSD-induced Panic Attacks, I hate you. No, I loathe you. You are the bane of my existence and the reason I can't enjoy the things that once brought me peace and happiness like God or writing or reading. Yes, even reading (don't ask, just know that it is horrendous). You make me... Continue Reading →
I woke up this morning thinking about ways to die by suicide. But before I opened my laptop to research flights to the Golden Gate Bridge, I thought about last night. I thought about the NF jam session I had with my friend on the way to mid-week service. I thought about our conversation concerning... Continue Reading →
Dear Lovelies, As I write this, it is almost 6:00 in the morning and I have been awake now for three hours. This is my normal. I keep my phone next to me so I can play calming music or a thunderstorm on YouTube in hopes of falling back asleep. I keep snacks in my... Continue Reading →