Saturday morning, I woke up crying; that day was one I wish I didn’t have to endure. Friday night—into the wee hours of the morning (before the sun made its debut)—intrusive memories created a whirlwind in my brain that lasted so long I almost watched the sun rise. Last Tuesday, I hung out with some... Continue Reading →
Even in the “Not Yet,” God is Still Worthy
It’s a few minutes before 5:00a.m and I’m awake. I’m up worshipping; a practice I’ve not implemented in way too long. Neglecting and Bargaining with Yahweh Life and stress have distracted me, broken me, and I’ve neglected my relationship with Yahweh. I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, a hardened heart, and suicidal thoughts for the... Continue Reading →
Thorn in my Side
Born of Spirit,forever indebted and adopted.So why am I here once againin this place of danger, isolation,hurt, and self-disappointment?Your Spirit reigns within,a child of Yours I am,so I shouldn't be unrenewed orconformed in my thinking, right? "You are mine," I hear you softly whisper.I smile. I am yours, but I also need help. They tell... Continue Reading →
The Danger of Romanticizing Suicide
"Suicide isn't logical," J. told me, matter-of-factly, in a recent session.I was sitting on the comfy couch in his office, sinking into its cushions, flabbergasted he would say something that outrageous. We were just talking about my mountain of pain, composed of past and present woes that still fester like sun-bathed wounds when poked. "What... Continue Reading →
Embracing Loss and Grief (Why I’ve Been Gone Since December)
Dear friend, I know I've been away for a while but I had good reason: I was helping my family care for my grandmother who was suffering from dementia. A Bittersweet, Ironic Departure Grandma passed on Valentine's Day which is both ironic and apropos, as she loved her family, church, and community deeply and exemplified... Continue Reading →
Musings of a Wanderer 