Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Last night, PTSD won. I spent most of the night curled up in my closet, like a child afraid of the Boogeyman, trying my best to be as small as possible, like nothing at all, because the amount of open space my room offered was too much. Around 11 p.m., I lied on the floor … Continue reading Travailing through Trauma: A Night With PTSD

Writing in the Midst of a Flashback

6 A.M. A nurse disturbs my nightmares, and temporarily prevents me from my ritual of staring at the wall upon sweating myself awake, to take my vitals. She wants to make sure I’m still alive, even though, by virtue of this place, I am considered one of the walking dead. 7 A.M. I try to … Continue reading Writing in the Midst of a Flashback

A Letter to My Abuser

Dear Voldemort, I am not a social butterfly, but you took me under your wings and, for a time, made me feel like I could soar. I know that's cliché, especially considering all the future pain you would cause, but for a little while, it was true. By watching you, I learned to live in … Continue reading A Letter to My Abuser

When Forgiveness Doesn’t Eradicate PTSD

As a Christian, I’m supposed to forgive everyone so that God can forgive me of my sins. I was once an enemy of the Most High, so who am I not to forgive someone who wrongs me when God forgave me of all my junk? Easy, right? No, not really. After spending the entire fall … Continue reading When Forgiveness Doesn’t Eradicate PTSD

On Discussing Trauma

I think the hardest aspect of trauma, especially in the context of recovery, is talking about it repeatedly. In my experience, I've only discussed it in detail with a counselor and my former pastor, as he has training as a licensed psychologist. I thought that talking about it to strangers would be easier than talking … Continue reading On Discussing Trauma

Nerd!: A Childhood Trauma or The Weight of Loneliness

“You’re such a teacher’s pet! What’s with your hands? Are you retarded or something?” It’s taken me a long time to realize just how traumatizing it all was. That I was ridiculed both for being different and intelligent. One of these things I couldn’t control. I wanted so badly to fit in, to belong to … Continue reading Nerd!: A Childhood Trauma or The Weight of Loneliness

There’s More to Life than Trauma

  Trauma has a way of disrupting and contorting everything so that all one sees is pain, paranoia, danger, and withered hope in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, intrusive memories, and a flight/fight/freeze brain system in need of major repair. But that's not all there is. There's hope and love, still. And the … Continue reading There’s More to Life than Trauma