There is no silence as quiet or darkness as deep as the silent darkness you experience when you're depressed. It's a numbing experience that can make even breathing as difficult a task as climbing the Eiffel Tower with your bare hands. A Quiet Challenge A few months ago, I felt the Holy Spirit leading me... Continue Reading →
I Believe, Lord—Help My Unbelief: Clinging to YHWH in the Dark
I feel like everything I wrote in my last post was a lie. Or maybe God is just testing me. Or Satan’s harassing me—looking to see if I’ll really “praise Him in this storm” while the waves become tsunami-level dangerous. Or maybe this is just…life. Recovering Alone Recently, I learned that the facility where I... Continue Reading →
“I’ll Praise You in This Storm”: Finding God Through Pain and Recovery
I wanted to write sooner—to update you, to process—but fear (and writer’s block) held me back. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of being honest about what the recovery process has been like. But today, I’m pushing past the fear. Before the sun rose, Holy Spirit woke me up with a song: Casting Crowns’ Praise You in... Continue Reading →
Finding Glimpses of God in the Dark
I’ve been away for a bit, trying to get everything prepared as quickly as possible for knee surgery—the date has moved to this month (December 17)—in the midst of work (and its stressors), communications with the doctors and surgery scheduler (and their sweet kindness and grace), and finally, forcing myself to be quiet enough to... Continue Reading →
Silencing the ‘Should’ Monster: The Beginning of Grace
“F.A.I.L. Remember the acronym? What I told you all those years ago?” J. asked me last night in response to me shouting “I’ve failed!” at him while throwing my covenant ring at his chest. * I was relaying the tale of the silent panic attack and flashback I had when I went to dessert with... Continue Reading →