Silencing the ‘Should’ Monster: The Beginning of Grace

“F.A.I.L. Remember the acronym? What I told you all those years ago?” J. asked me last night in response to me shouting “I’ve failed!” at him while throwing my covenant ring at his chest. * I was relaying the tale of the silent panic attack and flashback I had when I went to dessert with... Continue Reading →

Morning Tears, Panic Attacks, and Chocolate Cake: An Exercise in Grounding and Vulnerability

Saturday morning, I woke up crying; that day was one I wish I didn’t have to endure. Friday night—into the wee hours of the morning (before the sun made its debut)—intrusive memories created a whirlwind in my brain that lasted so long I almost watched the sun rise. Last Tuesday, I hung out with some... Continue Reading →

Even in the “Not Yet,” God is Still Worthy

It’s a few minutes before 5:00a.m and I’m awake. I’m up worshipping; a practice I’ve not implemented in way too long. Neglecting and Bargaining with Yahweh Life and stress have distracted me, broken me, and I’ve neglected my relationship with Yahweh. I’ve been struggling with depression, anxiety, a hardened heart, and suicidal thoughts for the... Continue Reading →

The Danger of Romanticizing Suicide

"Suicide isn't logical," J. told me, matter-of-factly, in a recent session.I was sitting on the comfy couch in his office, sinking into its cushions, flabbergasted he would say something that outrageous. We were just talking about my mountain of pain, composed of past and present woes that still fester like sun-bathed wounds when poked. "What... Continue Reading →

Why Acknowledging Anger is Hard but Necessary for Protecting Your Peace

I've been away for a while, mainly due to writer's block--not having the words to write what I felt--and something more: not having experiences worth writing about, or assuming I have naught to make art from as I go through my sedentary routine of work, eat, read, and sleep. But that's not necessarily true that... Continue Reading →

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