It starts with a kiss or a touch, always quick, like an accidental brushstroke of painful memories on a virgin canvas. Oops. Did I trigger you with intrusive memories while you were trying to sleep? My bad. Hush, now. Shhh. It’s okay. Just a nightmare. Fine me when you’re awake for the terrible things I … Continue reading The Way Trauma Loves You Back
Dear Lovelies, It's time for some tough love and hard truth pills. Here's the reality of the situation: Your support system isn't your therapist; your therapist isn't Superman. We all know recovery isn't linear and there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and even resting places on this journey. There will be days when … Continue reading Your Support System isn’t Your Therapist, Your Therapist isn’t Superman
I feel lost in a memory and, for someone like me, that's the worst place to be. I have to keep reminding myself of this, what I wrote so long ago. The fact that I have to hurts me in so many ways. These memories (and flashbacks) are teleportation devices, sending me back to the … Continue reading Lost in a Memory
Dear Anxiety and PTSD-induced Panic Attacks, I hate you. No, I loathe you. You are the bane of my existence and the reason I can't enjoy the things that once brought me peace and happiness like God or writing or reading. Yes, even reading (don't ask, just know that it is horrendous). You make me … Continue reading A Letter to Panic Attacks and Anxiety
Earlier today, I read through my friend Michael Patton's post "On Leaving My First Love" and found similarities between where he was years ago and where I find myself now. In it, he speaks of his life's difficulties, arguing with God, and finally coming to a place of surrender. I am somewhere between pulling myself … Continue reading Viewing God Through the Lens of Trauma
I did not want to write this, but it needed to be said. This is hard for me. Please give me grace. An Honest and Vulnerable Prayer God, please, if You are, at all, merciful like they say You are, like I know You to be, please kill me. Please. I will never ask for … Continue reading An Honest Conversation about Suicide
Dear Lovelies, I recently read a blog by Michael Patton over at Parchment and Pen (part of CredoHouse Ministries) and, with his permission, I'm reblogging because his words ring true and need to be heard not just by me but others as well. Handling a Depressed Christian As many of you know, I’ve been through … Continue reading Reblog: 7 Things NOT to Say to a Depressed Christian
That's a dangerous and important question. I don't know the answer to that, only God does, but it plagues me just the same. The anniversary of his death is approaching us soon and I know a lot of people just like myself are going to be affected by it. It just hit me the other … Continue reading If Chester Bennington Could Have Listened to Dear Evan Hansen, Would it Have Changed His Life?