I Am Not My Past (Memories)

I remember, reminiscing on you

and the effect you had on my life.

They told me that I was supposed to

learn from you and once I got my lessons,

I wasn’t supposed to revert or glance back.

 

But I did.

 

You were the source of my

tears at many a night,

and the pain in my heart

that I, unwillingly, held onto, tight.

You were the mocking death sentence

that would not go away.

And eventually, you were the cause of

my self-mutilation, my self-hatred, and self-pain.

 

For the longest time,

I deemed you as my true identity

and thought that from your effect,

I would never be free.

I figured your damage was everlasting

and a testament of “Yes, I overcame,”

my life would never be.

 

But as time goes on, I realize that your effect is waning

and that, when I let God have control, I’m doing less complaining.

As I lost control and let Him take the wheel,

I realized that me focusing on you

was destructive and deadly.

Yet now having grown, I now know

that you’ll never have that strong

of an effect on me.

And so, tonight, I release you,

you’ve served your purpose well.

 

To you, my dear past, goodbye.

I reminisce on you now, just to see

how far He’s brought me from,

this I’m never ashamed to tell.

 

Goodnight my ex-dictator;

this night, is mine alone.

I am not you.

 

And you

no longer

own me.

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